Dear brother

They say that sibling bonds are forever, that a sibling is a lifelong friend, someone you can go to for everything at anytime, that it is one of the most significant relationships of all times. It is sad for me to say that I can’t relate. Mom tells me we were always close growing up. Unfortunately I was all too young to remember. All of the good memories I had have been over shadowed by the bad. I’ve put those aside though, I have tried to push through them and forget. I have forgiven one too many times, I guess you could say that my weakness is I care too much. I’ve stood by you when I shouldn’t have. But do you know why I did that? Because through all of the pain, anger and sorrow at the end of the day you are my brother and I love you and I always will. But this house, everything, it is toxic. I’ve put myself in harms way for too long now. I need to finally focus on myself. The worst part of all of this is you don’t see everything we have done for you. You took everything from us put our whole family through hell and back and you did not give a single fuck. You continue to take and take. You have destroyed this family in the process of your poor decisions. When I think back to everything that happened it makes me sick. It is completely disgusting what this family has gone through. You take us for granted everyday. I hope that one day you see the sacrifices we made for you and you can appreciate them. I really hope you turn your life around. Do you know how sad it is to watch you wither away and throw away something as precious as your life? You can really grow from this, I know I did. As shitty as these past 7 years have been I can say I am so glad that I have become the person I am today and I thank you for that. I have so much I want to say to you but I can’t bring myself to talk to you. I look at you and I become speechless and paralyzed. It will take time. Hopefully one day we can have that brother sister relationship. Until then I wish you the best and hope you come around and open your eyes. 

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